I'm a typical Virgo, sue me.

According to the random astrology website I found via google; Virgos tend to like the following:

• Intellectual stimulation
• Details
• Facts
• Lists
• Bringing order out of chaos
• Improving things
• Planning things in advance
• Stability
• Security
• Routines
• Organization

These things describe me to a tee. Uncertainty makes me nervous, change, makes me come out in hives, not having plans can cause me to spiral into despair. As you can imagine, these personality traits are not conducive to the modern dating world.

Tinder, and the likes have given birth to this awful phenomenon called 'ghosting'. Ghosting, for the uninitiated (lucky you) involves one party simply ignoring the other, for absolutely no apparent reason. One minute, you're chatting, organising a date, the next minute; nothing, nada, zilch. Other people's feelings and expectations are disposable, in favour of the next girl/guy that you swipe right for.

I'd like to say that I'm innocent here, that I'm the damsel in distress sitting at home whilst potential suitor after potential suitor shuns me. Of course I'm not. Just last week, I was simply not brave enough to tell someone that they weren't for me. He had, throughout our dinner, downed ten beers. TEN BEERS. He was condescending,  over bearing, and far too tactile for my liking. But there was something worse. Worse than his (small) hands reaching for mine awkwardly, his patronizing voice telling me that my religion and therefore way of life was 'pointless', and his clear over reliance on alcohol to make him feel like a relatively palatable human. Worse than all of that; he was a dead ringer for Boris Johnson. Not just 'if you squint, you can see BoJo'.. more people in the restaurant were staring and not quite sure if it was or wasn't him. He had even dyed his hair that unusual shade of white/blonde, to embrace his doppelgänger status. To be frank, it made me feel uncomfortable. He messaged me as soon as I got home. He was aggressive (probably fuelled by his ten beers), and wanted feedback on how the date went (what is up with people asking for feedback?!). Quite frankly, I was put off, and couldn't be bothered to dissect, so I just..ghosted him. Not nice, I'm not proud, but, BORIS JOHNSON!?!

More times than i have ghosted, I have been ghosted. Two weeks ago, the cute American ex marine who was moving to the UK cancelled our date very last minute, promising to make it up to me and 'poof' in a flash of smoke, he was gone. Lately, I was 'reunited' with an old friend (my first boyfriend to be precise) who simply decided to ignore me as soon as we had locked in a date. That one is bad. We're even friends on Facebook for goodness sake, why not just be honest?

Neither of these were as hurtful as the guy that I went on three dates with, and then just disappeared. I had organised us to see a film at my favourite cinema. It's my favourite cinema because they serve you drinks and nibbles to your sofas. SOFAS! I put very little effort into the rest of it. I just wanted to show this guy one of my favourite places. Unfortunately, the film was about suicide. It brought up 'raw feelings' for him. Our date ended awkwardly, and I never heard from him again. Worse than that, he ruined my favourite cinema, and he didn't even pay for the nibbles.
Even worse than him was the guy that walked out of our date because I 'didn't look like my photos'. He literally real time ghosted me (and left me with the hefty bill for his unopened bottle of wine that he had presumptuously preordered).

So here I sit, at nearly midnight on a Tuesday. The flat is quiet. My favourite candle is burning, I'm watching trash TV. It should be pure bliss.  Instead, I sit here, baffled by men (as usual) contemplating my next move. In true Virgo style, I need a plan. Do I give up? I already deleted the latest ghosters number, to quell any temptation to text him 'WHY WON'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?'. Even I know that can come across as a crazy. Should I fill the evening we were meant to meet? What if he texts? What if he was just busy? What if he lost his phone, or got mugged? What if his client has fallen out of a car and died? Or what if, most likely, he swiped right for someone else, or simply didn't want to meet up with me.
So I wonder, do I try and change my own behaviour? Stop being so reliable, so available, so utterly rigid in my need for plans. Do I just play the elusive 'game'? Is it even possible to stop being so goddamn typically Virgo? I do know one thing for sure. My Prince Charming is not, and never will be, the spitting image of Boris Johnson.